downstairs neighbors cook bacon >> smell wafts into my apartment >> “i am having a stroke”

inadvertently place watch face down >> tick is louder than usual >> “the walls are infested with rats”

sit awkwardly, leg folded under self >> leg falls asleep >> “i have tangled all important veins”

“It’s fine.”

He was mad. The channel through his hair – from repeatedly running his hands over his crown – was a telltale sign, and as he looked down it stared me in the face. He was wiping his glasses for the second time in 6 minutes. Another sign.

“If you’re annoyed, I really wish you’d just say so,” I said.

“You do not actually wish for that.”

For some reason, this amused me. As did the need he felt to correct me. As did my own to lie. I kept my mouth from smiling, but can never rein in my eyes. It would make things worse so I looked away. Down, too, through his glasses at the ghostly ketchup stain on his tie.

late night consumption of qdoba nachos | sleeping for > 9 hours (even – especially? – when broken up) | increased tolerance of stevie nicks/van halen/doobies | dancing when there is no dancing | poor tuesday crossword success rate | heavy reliance on uber and seamless web | near-daily shampooing | antisocial wearing of headphones whilst not actually listening to music | occasional use of word “whilst”

mobile phone conversations during in-person human interactions | umbrella abuse (e.g., inappropriate size, snow use, when unnecessary, etc.) | walking and smoking | heavy reliance on sarcasm | use of those blue flashlight cigarettes | singing along to headphones | comic sans | not dancing when there is dancing | not owning a tv | use of phrase “pardon my french” | late night consumption of qdoba nachos (up for review: could be personal problem)